sneak attack

I read the story of Balaam's donkey (among other things) this morning while waiting for my coffee to brew. Whenever I read or hear about that story, I always marvel at what instrument God can and will use to convey His message.I mean, you go from chapters and chapters of God's word being spoken through Moses, with whom He spoke "face to face", then God is speaking through Balaam, a pagan prophet, and then through his donkey. That's quite a variation.

Sometimes, though, it seems God speaks to me through something infinitely more unexpected: my own voice. It's weird.

One thing this pregnancy experience has been showing me is how miserably inadequate my prayer life is. I vacillate between using prayer as some sort of incantation or manipulation (I wrote a whole post on this a month or so ago but was so embarrassed about it that I never published it) or just a one-sided feelings dump.

I have this friend who hears from God regularly. It's really incredible. I find myself in awe constantly when she shares about the words she hears and the events that confirm them. I want to ask, "How do you do that?" How are you tuning in to Him so well? Is there some kind of process I can follow? Could I sit in on your prayer time with you? Tell me your secret!!

I desperately want my prayer life to be two-way. I have found myself praying for that a lot recently...but to be truthful, I'm not even sure I know how to pray for it correctly. I'm just lost.

So we have this munchkin cat named Mims. She is an endearing creature with her teeny-tiny short legs and big yellow eyes. She to just come and sit with us--she's really not happy unless she is in someone's lap. If she can't get in your lap, she will follow you around the house literally yelling until she can. And she has a loud voice.

Sometimes, though, my lap will be readily available, but she'll sit on the floor and yell at me anyways. Or we'll be laying in bed, and she'll stand out in the hallway and cry, but won't come in, no matter how much we call to her.

This gets really irritating after a bit.

So I was sitting at my computer this morning when Mims came to sit on the floor about four feet away from me. And she yelled. And yelled. And I looked at her and said, "Ok, come here! Come and sit!" She just blinked her large, luminous eyes at me, then launched into another series of yowls. "Mims." I said. With feeling. No change. Finally I got angry. "For pete's sake, would you just come here and be with me?" And my words kinda-sorta slapped me in the face. I could almost hear the Lord repeating the same thing to me. Except nicer. Because He is nicer than I.

Literally right after that I read this post.

So please excuse me while I quit hollering and just go be with Him.