I can remember talking about baby names with Jeremy before we were even romantically involved; on the car ride back from a trip to McKay's, or while sitting in a Japanese restaurant, the subject would come up and we would toss back and forth names that we liked.

It wasn't but a week or two after we were officially "together" and talking about marriage that, at a friend's suggestion, we visited a little Church of God church off Dalton Highway. To this day, I still wonder what prompted this friend to recommend the church to us, because they obviously hadn't been there before. It was by far the strangest sermon--or lack thereof--that I have ever heard; the pastor's idea of "preaching" was to have a member of the congregation come up, stand beside the pulpit, and read aloud from the book of Genesis. The pastor would then repeat everything the congregant read, only with more emphasis.

"And God said to Abram..."

"And GOD...said to ABRAM!"

"Leave your country, and your people..."

"Leave your country! And your PEOPLE!

Etc.

Once we got over our initial shock and giggles, we soon found that reading on through the book of Genesis was a little more interesting than listening to the parroting coming from the front of the sanctuary. We flipped forward through Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and Joseph, and when we saw the name "Ephraim", we both stopped. We decided there, in that weird little church in Cleveland, TN, in the autumn of 2004, that we would name a child Ephraim.

At that time my attraction to the name was mostly aesthetic. It was a name that was traditional, not made-up, but not common, and certainly not trendy. It had a nice meaning--"Fruitful"--which in my book was only a perk. Later we would add the middle name Aleksandr, spelled the Russian way, because we liked the look and because my paternal grandmother's father had emigrated from Russia in the late 1800's.

So Ephraim Aleksandr's name was chosen, for no particular reason, six years ago by two young people who hadn't even started planning their wedding yet.

I have always loved the name, but always felt somewhat embarrassed that we chose it the way we did, for the reason we did. I have heard story after story of Christian couples being given a name after praying for direction, names with deep, profound meanings and connotations. For us, there was never really any room for discussion. In 2006, during my false positive fiasco, we would have named the child Ethne or Ephraim. In 2007, when we miscarried, the child would have been named Ethne or Ephraim. This year, when we found out we were pregnant, we very, very briefly talked about alternative names, then decided that the child would be named either Ethne or Ephraim. (For the record, Ethne was chosen six years ago, too.)

When we went Friday for our "big" 20 week ultrasound, we were of course overjoyed to learn that it was Ephraim that had been kicking me awake at night. It wasn't really until later that day that the appropriateness of his name occurred to us--really only after a friend from school had prayed with us after we told her our news.

The last three or four years, as far as children are concerned, have been incredibly difficult for me. I have questioned God, His providence, His love, my purpose and my future. I can't count the number of times I looked at a negative pregnancy test and thought God hates me. I seriously wondered if we would ever, could ever have children. I wondered if I was doomed to that spiral of bitterness forever.

The name Ephraim means "fruitful", and I had always taken this to mean that the bearer of the name was fruitful. In reality, Joseph named his son "Ephraim" because Joseph was made fruitful.

The second son he named Ephraim and said, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering." (Gen. 41:52)

(I don't really need to point out, I guess, the fact that Ephraim is our second child, too.)

Jeremy's main reason for wanting a boy first was so that he would be a protector for any other children that would follow him. Did you know the name "Alexander" means "defender of man"? We didn't. I mean, I did, but I kept forgetting it, and again the parallel didn't occur to me until Friday afternoon.

This whole pregnancy process has been so humbling for me. How can it be that a name we chose supposedly on a whim before we were even married would be so incredibly appropriate for our lives? This is probably the third or fourth time that I've been blindsided with evidence that yes, God knows where we're at, and no, this baby was not a fluke, and yes, God is faithful, even though we may not be.

Oh, and did I mention that Oct. 15, the day of our ultrasound, was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day? How unbelievable is it that, on a day I would normally be home alone and mourning the past, we instead were able to see the precious little body of our son?